Silicon Soap


How YOU can be an Acolyte or Valet... NOT! *g*

by bijou - June 7/98


Kymer and the Hotel are filled with many childish people. People who badmouth and backstab others. People who run events and sponsor activities with their own money in order to get favors from Concierges, the Brother, assorted Acolytes and Valets. We are truly damned to have such an upside-down community. Within such a community, it becomes necessary to have several layers of bureaucracy.

Acolytes and Valets are those avatars who take an active role in annoying new arrivals with their fake smiles and helpfulness, ignoring common avatars, and destabilizing and demotivating the community on an ongoing and consistent basis.

In truth, avatars become Acolytes by *being* an Acolyte. In fact, those who are Acolytes would continue doing the same kinds of things even if they weren't made Acolytes--and they do so out of a desire to gain favors from the powers that be, and to make Kymer and the Hotel a
more hellish place to live.

The title "Acolyte" or "Valet" brings with it a wealth of glory and favors--and much much more! Beyond being able to receive Pages from other avatars, Acolytes have many special powers. They can mute or freeze you. They can even forceghost you. (BANG!) They can whine for a Concierge or the Brother to banish you to the Void or Basement. On the other hand, they are expected to be "On Duty" at scheduled times, to work the Help Desk, and to sponsor (and help with) activities and events. This they do drudgingly, but even Acolytes and Valets must maintain their fake appearances. Acolytes and Valets often have access to special or unique items--and Acolytes even have their own vendo. Usually they like to "show off" these rare prizes for an upcoming event, and some use the special vendo to pad their personal treasuries.

Acolytes and Valets are a special club or "clique." They are often disorganized and do hold a title. And, that title gives them much they didn't already have or earn. The Acolytes do have a private place to go in order to organize themselves, find out who is on duty, etc. This is where the prize vendo is. All of the Acolytes' and Valets' "benefits" are geared toward helping others, but they often help themselves in the process. A common belief is that Acolytes and Valets have advantages over other avatars. This is true in many cases, but not in all. Some Acolytes and Valets really do have ethics, believe it or not.

Acolytes and Valets often fail at mediating disputes. They mishandle conflict resolution and more. As the Terms of Service of the community becomes more heavily enforced, it is up to the Acolytes and Valets to provide the first level of enforcement. An analogy might be the Brother and Concierges are judges while Acolytes and Valets serve as agents of the court. Guess what kids... You don't get the option of a trial by a jury of your peers. You are tried, convicted, and hung by the opinions of a few favored folks.

Do you want to be an Acolyte or Valet? If so, asking to become one isn't the way -- acting like an one is. Through a continuous display of the efforts described above, the Brother will come to recognize those who fulfill the role of Acolyte or Valet. Although it may not happen immediately, given time and help from the Acolytes and Valets while ignoring the common will of the community, it will happen. There are several ways to help speed the process of becoming an Acolyte or Valet. Try to get friendly with the Acolytes and Valets. Its easier to get promoted when they like you and put a good word in to the Brother. If this isn't good enough, try sleeping with them. There are several horny Acolytes and Valets that will happily accommodate your wishes. Don't bother trying to sleep with the Oracle or the Brother. They really aren't attractive, and you will get obsessive-compulsive disorder while trying to get clean again. I don't know about the Concierges though, so I will reserve judgement there. Just do not choose Jean-Paul, try Claudette or Gisele. They seem much nicer.

"In your training, be in a hurry, for it takes a minimum of one second to mess up and fall off the ladder. Always think of yourself as an all-knowing, perfected master; you must continue to perfect your vacuum-sucking attitude with your friends and the rest of the community, and progress together in the Art of Community Destruction."

- Misquoted from Morihei Ueshiba (1883-1969)

My sincerest apologies to the master, as his noble teachings were too often ignored by those who claimed to preach them in our world.



a cynical *bijou*...

who gives her apologies to those Acolytes and Valets who are *not* this way.

(Butthead says: Morihei what ? Is that infectious?;))

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